Veggie Stew

So I think my last post will make a lot more sense after I say this next statement. Or maybe this statement will make a lot more sense after reading my last post. I'm not really sure either way. Anyway...

I changed my major to Social Work!!!

Like my last post says, I've changed so much it's ridiculous.
If I were to pinpoint the start of the change, it would be the first day of Bridges. Bridges is a week of training for my position as an Alpha Leader. The whole trip is a secret - we knew we were going to San Francisco and that was about it. We were never told what type of training Bridges was going to be, and, even while on the trip, we were never told the next activity that was coming up or even what the current time was. No watches, cell phones, make-up, hair products, SHOWERS. Yup, it was quite a humbling experience, but humility is definitely something I could never have a complete understanding of. While on Bridges, we did something different everyday, but the premise of the trip was to work with the homeless population in the Tenderloin district of San Francisco. Wow. The way I viewed the district the first day of the trip, in comparison to the last, altered immensely. I can't say that all of a sudden, I have this perfect, grand, outlook on life and those who are less fortunate. I am absolutely still learning. My knowledge of what it is like to be a part of the homeless population, and of how to best serve the under-served is extremely limited, but I feel blessed to have been able to experience Bridges and my naive mind was taught so much.

Growing up, I was always taught that when I saw a homeless man on the side of the road, I was to walk quickly, not make eye contact, and answer "no" when asked if I had money to spare. This was basically my thinking up until the point of Bridges. I very much understand where my parents were coming from in teaching me these tactics. First of all, their main concern was to keep me out of harms way, not the man sitting on the street. They felt that this was the best method in protecting me. Secondly, this way of thinking is most common around where I have grown up. I would venture to say that it is most common in our western culture, but I'm no sociologist. It's incredible to think, however, that I had "such a big heart" for companies like Invisible Children and TOMS shoes, and I dreamed of traveling abroad to help the "poor people in other countries" when I wouldn't even acknowledge the poor who I saw here.

That is one thing I learned for sure - people just want to be acknowledged! Remind them that they too are important. They ARE valued in the community. Others are upset when they hurt and rejoice when they are happy. They are real HUMAN beings. How degrading is it that I simply looked the other way and walked on by homeless persons MULTIPLE times in my life, even when they were verbally calling out to me. NO ONE deserves to be ignored. I feel so ridiculous about this because I am so strongly an advocate for making others feel important. I absolutely can not stand when someone is degraded or made feel as if they anything less than sons and daughters made in God's image. I hate bullies. I hate stereotypes. I hate embarrassment. I even hate awkward moments: I hate seeing people in that uncomfortable state. But, who was I to say that only that only most people deserved to be respected. If you would have asked me, I would have vehemently insisted that ALL people are valuable and should be lifted up instead of torn down. It makes my heart hurt. BUT my actions, weren't expressing this outlook. I was forgetting AT LEAST ONE group of human beings, in my flawed mindset.

My thoughts are all a bunch of mish mosh. All that up there is a small portion of what I learned at Bridges. I became so much more comfortable around the homeless, when I used to be scared of them. I loved volunteering in San Francisco for the week. I loved it so much that I didn't want to stop working at those rehabilitation centers, dining halls, churches, etc. I wrestled a lot with whether or not I should change my major. It seemed so weird to give up journalism. I've always thought that I would be a journalist, in some form. I still may. I prayed a lot about whether or not I was making it my identity. I had to ask myself why it would be so hard to give up that major. There were many reasons, a few of them being: First-God gave me skills in writing; therefore, I need to make use of these skills! Second-What was I going to say to my Grandma, my journalism friends, my parents. The second reason was much less prominent in my weighing of options, but it did cross my mind and I can't pretend that it didn't. I also had to consider what it was that I was getting myself into, not simply what I was leaving behind. This was difficult one. I want to get into the career of helping people. What does that look like as a Christian? That question probably seems simplistic, but I'll explain a little of where I'm coming from.

I have struggled with the question, for a long time, of where the line is drawn between goodness and Christ following. Goodness meaning, in my eyes, compassion obedience and morality. I think that many times I look to goodness in how I live my life. I like to help people because I am compassionate and empathetic. I don't sneak out of the house and tell grand lies to my parents because I strive to be obedient. I don't get drunk, high, have sex outside of marriage, because I strive to have good morals. Where does God play into this? The compassion component of goodness confused me much in thinking about a career in community outreach social work. Or, at least, it has in the past - I now feel like I have a better grasp on the idea. An old youth pastor of mine, when faced with the statement "I wish there was no trouble and hurting," she simply replied, "One day there won't be!" That hit home. One day: we will be living in Heaven for eternity (I hope, unless I have gotten it all wrong in terms of what it means to follow Jesus), and there will be no pain or struggles. Why then am I concerned with the pain and struggles that people are experiencing now? Shouldn't I be attempting to prepare others for ETERNAL painless living, instead of fixing their pain now in this blip of existence? But then what? I disregard anyone who is in pain? I don't get it. I heard another pastor say that people are too caught up in the physical needs of others when really they should be preparing them for the kingdom - the other needs are temporary and unimportant. AND two nights ago I went to a church that I have recently started attending and this pastor yelled (direct quote)

"I'm SICK of hearing about Social Justice! Social justice for social justice's sake. That's CRAP. It's not even Biblical!"

Seriously??? I felt like asking him, what about a company like Invisible Children? Is what they're doing CRAP? They are not a Christian organization; they are pursuing social justice. Freeing child soldiers from an oppressor that they can't face for themselves doesn't seem like crap to me, but maybe I'm way off base. In reading the book of Luke a few nights ago, I found many verses in which the people were told by Christ and his disciples to care for eachother's physical needs. "The man with two tunics should share with him who has none, and the one who has food should do the same." -Luke 3:11. Reading this book reassured me of the fact that God would want me to care for his people. I feel called to help others because that is where my heart is. Perhaps it could even be considered a strength? I don't know if that's the right word for it, but I do think that writing is not the one and only strength God gave me to use in a future career. I am passionate about caring for others, in this lifetime, and in preparing them for their eternal life with Christ. I feel that both are important in God's eyes. That's what I've decided to devote my life to.

Wow this blog jumped all over the place but I'm going to stop here for now.