Ugh. I don't even know what to call this.

Am I supposed to be joyous or saddened? Thankful or mournful? How do you respond to the news that a friend of yours has gone to join Jesus and many others in Heaven? It started off in shock, disbelief, and confusion. Then, I felt more panicked. How could this really have happened? And so suddenly? Later on, I felt compelled to be happy for him. He was with JESUS. The ultimate goal. But today...was the worst reaction yet. I finally broke down and cried. Jon Saligumba was one of those people you wished you knew even more. He made you smile, laugh, and just be filled with LOVE! He was filled with love...Christ's love. And that is why i sometimes feel happy for him because I know that he is in heaven :) But, there is no way i can forget the way he affected all of those around him on earth. The handful of memories I have with him are ingrained in my mind, and they'll always be cherished. That's the tricky part - We weren't best friends, but we were friends. He is not someone I talked to on a regular basis, only those sparatic lucky times, so why would I care or notice, right? wrong. I do care. I care for his family. I care for his friends. I care for my friends, who are are going through such a tough time with losing him. And lastly, I care about those fun times I had with him that I'll never have in the future. I'll never get to be scolded by the English sub for dancing and singing "Big Pimpin" too loudly with him. I'll never get to roam the streets the of Paris with him, while listening to the same rockin tunes that I did, after Jon so generously lent me his Ipod. I'll never get to see his infectious smile again, aside from pictures. Or cheer him on as he impressed the whole school with his amazing dance moves in the class comp routines. But, If I care for one more person, aside from his family, his friends, my friends, myself, I'll care for Jon. And in doing so, I'll be happy for him as best I can...because he is in Paradise.